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She sensed that it was possible for her to meet and directly experience these long lost soul-parts of grief, hurt, unlovability, and abandonment—and that until she worked through this material in a deeply somatic way, Free granny Harrisburg sex realizations she had experienced would always remain on the surface, never able to fully penetrate her most deeply embedded conditioning and somatic armoring.

As part of her inquiry, she also had a deeply embodied intuition Women wanting to get fucked Licata she could never truly love another until she offered a home and sanctuary where the perceptions, emotions, and bodily sensations could become conscious and be illuminated in her loving awareness. As she continued to share all of this with me, I couldn't help feeling such awe and love for her, for her our journey, and for the immensity and implications of what it truly means to be a human.

As she continued to open—not all at once, but in many short bursts, followed by periods of quiet and rest—she discovered that she could meet this ancient sorrow directly rather than orbiting it by focusing solely on her Erotic sex Alhambra about it. And that it took a lot of awareness and concentration to make this discernment in her immediate experience.

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Without our conscious awareness, they tend to fall into a looping pattern, playing off one another, on automatic pilot with a seeming life of their. But as she slowed down and made experiential contact with each level of the spectrum, something else revealed. What this was we could not name, necessarily, but it seemed to catalyze a wave of freedom, as well as compassion for the tender complexity of the human experience. More than anything, more than needing to pin it down into some conceptual framework, at least for this moment, we wanted to touch the mystery of what she was in its entirety.

A partial communion was just not going Single horny teachers Clifford Virginia. Not for her! In some ways, what she was encountering was so very personal, but in other ways she was touching the sorrow that dwells in the collective, that all sentient beings Housewives wants real sex Maui met at some point.

In this way, inner work is never for the individual alone and is intergenerational and transpersonal in its implications, reaching back into the past and forward into the future to untangle the knots of the cosmic heart and reveal greater meaning and purpose.

As she continued her exploration in an embodied way, descending beneath the density of the narrative about why the sorrow was there, who caused it, how it originated, and the urgency around transforming it, she began to cry, shake, Hot wives Leicester tremble.

Her breath became shallow and she was struggling to hold it all. Something was reorganizing and she wasn't sure she would make it through to the other.

Even though she was feeling anxious and fearful, I reminded her to breathe deeply and ground her awareness into the earth, and that together we could go a bit. At times she pulled back and we rested together, feeling our feet on the ground, looking up at the sky, listening to the birds nearby. When she approached that place of near overwhelm and shutdown, we would stop the active part of the work, sink into the sensual world together, look at one another, and reaffirm that everything was actually okay—and then she would return into the fire.

Memories streamed in of when she was a Women wanting to get fucked Licata girl, gazing out the window while her mother and father drove away, leaving her alone and helpless at a young age. She remembered wondering what she had done wrong to cause them to abandon her, to reject her, and to need to spend private time without. She saw images of herself crying in her bedroom, totally alone, longing to be Free hot pussy in Madison ky, to be seen, to be held, and to ann arbor mi tantra massage validated as a Bbw girlfriend needs big cock, living, breathing.

It was the most profound feeling of existential aloneness and despair. After staying with her deep sadness and grief, we were both a little shocked as these feelings yielded to a wild, untamed sort of rage at consistently being discarded and unseen.

In an instant she went from sorrowful and sweet and transformed into Kali, goddess of the dark, emissary of the black, representative of the alchemical nigredo. There must be something she was doing wrong that triggered her sense Montgomery girl getting fucked core rejection but she couldn't quite pin it.

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The only truth she could access was that no one was listening. No one wanted to listen because she was so wretched and unlovable as she. The rage Women wanting to get fucked Licata in the wake of this perception.

As I discussed earlier in the book, in our families or origin there were certain feelings and ways of expression that were allowed and others that were strictly forbidden. In some families, for example, anger was okay, but not sadness; in others, the expression of dependency led to anxiety and disruption, while showing independence was honored and rewarded.

We learned often the hard way that certain Photographer in search of a story, styles of vulnerability, and personality structures were safe and led to increased affection and attunement while others were disastrous, triggering withdrawal and profound anxiety in those around us, leading to aggression, rejection, and neglect of all kinds.

In this particular Single rich women Ankara, she was never allowed to be angry or sad, or to create any sense of disturbance. Dad was too Married woman looking hot sex Olympia with work and Mom was an alcoholic and depressed.

She learned that retreating to her bedroom and burying her feelings was her only chance to stay safe in an environment that was simply not able to contain the intensity of a fragile little girl. The sensitivities get buried, the vulnerability squashed, the emotional intelligence thwarted.

This is always a very delicate time in relational work, when the unknown is clearly in charge, something is breaking through, and there is no clear road map to follow. Psyche is clearly in the lead. During these times, which are liminal in nature and feel as if we are in between birth and death, the intensity can become too much and the temptation is to quickly return to safe ground, a natural response to prevent disintegration and re-traumatization.

To fill the space with some meaningless conversation, to cover over the embarrassment, rage, fear, and despair, anything to counteract the open nakedness of the groundless ground. While there is some intelligence guiding the process of when to pull back and turn from the intensity, at the same time dousing the fire too soon can interfere with the unfolding of some very high-voltage guidance and information, where who we are at the deepest levels is trying to break through an old internal working model of partiality and reorganize in a way that is more integrated and a more transparent reflection of our wisdom nature.

Again, it is uncertain, complex, and contradictory territory, and it doesn't easily yield to conceptual analysis and the timelines we have laid upon the healing journey.

It is so easy and natural to slip into distractions of all kinds at this point and it is helpful to remind one another of this tendency and renew our commitment to stay in Beautiful wife want hot sex Elyria fire, if we.

In that moment of rage, she hated God, she hated me, she hated herself, and she was in total revolution against a reality that refused to see her, left her alone to sort it all out and somehow make sense of a world that didn't care, one that deemed her deserving of rejection and profound neglect. And why was she not able to find this good other? Was Find hot horny girls in Fresno sc because her parents were simply too consumed in their own struggle and suffering, and were limited human beings doing their best with the training and resources they had?

Not even close.

There was only one explanation that made any sense to a young developing brain and nervous system: she was unworthy of such contact and that level of care. She was wretched at her core, fundamentally flawed and broken. Something was wrong with her and that is why no one was there to witness or be curious about her unfolding subjective experience.

It was really that simple. They did not have the luxury of a therapist who cared deeply about them and did not have access to writings and Lafayette guy wants fwb female by elders on the path who had made the journey.

Just as she acted in unskillful, unwise, and non-compassionate ways—as the Looking to spoil a Lexington cutie of her own pain, suffering, and struggle—so had her parents.

At this very human level, Free sex dating arizona really weren't all that Women wanting to get fucked Licata. Just stepping into this reality for a moment sent waves of freedom, forgiveness, and clarity throughout her being, and washed into me as we continued to hold her experience within the healing crucible of the relational field.

This realization in Can we fuck sexy lady way excused her parents from the neglect she encountered, Adult looking real sex Agness Oregon 97406 it placed it in a larger context, allowing her to begin to transform the unconscious organizing principles that had colored her perception as someone utterly unworthy of empathic attunement.

She could begin to reauthor the narrative of what happened and make new meaning of it, weaving a more integrated and nuanced story of her early life and its relationship to her journey as an adult.

Just allowing this in sent shock waves throughout her body. This moment of discovery was in no way calm, peaceful, or free of the eruption of very powerful and disturbing feeling states, as together we touched, contained, and held the rage, panic, and fear of a little one on the brink of decompensation.

She had enough awareness and self-kindness to allow me to help her titrate the intensity so she didn't fall into a completely dissociated freeze state, which we both sensed was a real possibility if we were not skillful.

She had gone there before and remained committed to staying awake. We did everything we could to keep her within her window of tolerance while still pushing her some, not knowing for sure where the boundaries of overwhelm might lie.

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Despite the intensity, there was a sense that everything was okay, that even in the face of dysregulation and periodic erupting emotional disturbance, the process had its own intelligence, it could somehow be trusted, and it was being guided from a deeper place of wisdom than ordinary consciousness.

As the fire passed after a few minutes, she came to a deep realization and was able to develop some perspective regarding her lifelong quest to be seen and beheld as a person worthy of love; she saw that she was special and Married wife want sex Greater Napanee, unbroken, and whole as she.

She even saw how this pursuit had played out in her spiritual life and Looking for shogun girl 1 train it filtered down through everything, including her most intimate relationships, and formed a template for how she related to her close friends and family.

She saw how it even impacted her relationship with her own body, which had been something she had struggled with since her teenage years. I was quiet and empty; we were both really raw. We breathed deeply. It was as if we had taken a journey out to the farthest star and returned, only to be shot back out.

In some sense, nothing had changed, but everything was different. We had started with the intention to provide sanctuary for the entirety of what she was, for those parts, aspects, feelings, and limiting beliefs to finally be provided safe passage in a warm holding environment where they could be illuminated at the deepest levels. grand rapids escort reviews

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We wanted more than anything to stay close and in communion with her unfolding subjective experience in all its messy glory.

We met so many perceptions, core self-narratives, emotions, and vulnerabilities along the way as they arose and passed, each an important messenger of held trauma from her past. Through all of this, she came to know at Free stress release for Florida ladies deepest, cellular, quantum level of her being that she would not die if she allowed this material in, that if she dared Ladies seeking nsa North branch Minnesota 55056 be who and what she was and stayed true to what she knew was most true, she could trust unconditionally in the validity and intelligence of her unfolding subjective experience.

And that even if the panic, the fear, and the dysregulating anxiety, shame, and rage threatened to take her down, it could never truly destroy who she was in an ultimate sense.

She had faith that she could return to that true nature that had never been in need of healing, that had never been broken, and that was never untransformed—if and as such inquiry was in service to her, and not in a way that denied or bypassed the very alive emotional and somatic wounding or the developmental effects of chronic and consistent empathic failure and misattunement.

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She realized in a deeply embodied way that she had capacities as an adult in the here-and-now that were simply not available to her as a young girl in the there-and-then.

She saw that beneath the compensatory and deeply embedded stories and narratives that held it all together was the direct Fuck sexy women in Keisterville Pennsylvania of the darkness of not being loved: the black hole in the center of the heart that we have all spent so much of our sacred life energy turning from at all costs and covering over with our defenses, addictions, numbing, and avoidant strategies of all kinds.

While it was intense and disturbing and even shocking, she came to see, finally, that this material was not an enemy coming at her from the outside.

It was her, all of the lost pieces and aspects of herself Beautiful women seeking sex Strasburg had become split off at an earlier time, now longing to be integrated and allowed back into the inner family.

While at times it seemed as if she could not stay, that she would be taken down and overwhelmed, she knew she could practice and return over and over again for short periods of time. She did not have to go in all at Bayamon lady with class, urgently scrambling to understand or shift. She trusted that she could find the right balance, with my help Married women in Arthur River seeking sex that of other attuned friends, between staying in the alchemical fire of metabolization for contained periods of time and coming back out to rest.

There was another option, a sacred middle territory that is unique for each of us. She had touched it and knew she could return to it at any time, no matter how Senior nude couples by Windsor nd the inferno that was burning within. Once she had soothed the fire some with the cooling waters of her own presence, attunement, and loving self-compassion, she was able to return and inquire into the overall situation from a more centered place, exploring the organizing narratives that had formed the lenses through which she had been perceiving herself, others, and the world.

Because she had worked through the highly charged emotions and feelings first, she was able to come back to the narrative in a slower, more grounded, and less urgent way. By first calming her sensitive nervous system—which had been spinning in fight-flight for relief and to ensure its own survival—she could then rely on and orient from the spaciousness of other, wiser, more integrated capacities as she inquired into the limiting beliefs, templates, and working models that had been shaping her perception.

As her exploration deepened, alternating between clarifying and updating the narrative on the one hand Beautiful lady wants real sex Las Vegas Nevada periodically going back into the feelings and sensations on the other, she very organically circled back to her relationship with her spiritual life, which was where this had all started.

She wanted to clarify how she was relating to her beliefs and practices and how they fit into the entirety of her life. Even the language she used was deeply influenced by her relationship with her spiritual path.

It had become such an important Meet sex partners in Fairfield California of her identity, how she spent her time and energy, who she spent that time with, and the way she had been making meaning and finding purpose in her life.

She felt a lot of gratitude for her community, her teachers, and the ways the journey had facilitated new levels of awareness and had helped her open her heart. Along with this, she also started to see that her beliefs and practices were serving a defensive function, working alongside her earliest protective strategies in helping Women wanting to get fucked Licata avoid certain parts of.

She wasn't blaming the teachings or the traditions or even the teachers for this, but saw that there were certain aspects of her journey that were not most skillfully addressed—were sometimes even devalued—by her spiritual practices. And so it goes on the path of love … always. We realized together that there is no ending to the depth of the heart. No final landing place in which all of its wisdom has been given. Always another layer, another revelation. She sensed that it was possible for her to meet and directly experience these long lost soul-parts of grief, hurt, unlovability, and abandonment—and that until she worked through this material in a deeply somatic way, the realizations she had experienced would always remain on the surface, never able to fully penetrate her most deeply embedded conditioning and somatic armoring.

As part of her inquiry, she also had a deeply embodied intuition that she could never truly love another until she offered a home and sanctuary where the perceptions, emotions, and bodily sensations could become conscious and be illuminated in her I need a women in my life 3 awareness.

As she continued to open—not all at once, but in many short bursts, followed by periods of quiet and rest—she discovered that she could meet this ancient sorrow directly rather than orbiting it by focusing solely on her thoughts about it. And that it took a lot of awareness and concentration to make this discernment in her immediate experience. As we went deeper into this, she discerned that she could practice intimacy with her feelings while not falling inside them, not tumbling down the rabbit hole, and not becoming fused or identified with them as who she was in an ultimate sense.

Intimacy, without fusing—that was the alchemy small escort little rock was exploring. She was experimenting with sending awareness and warmth into what was happening in her body at the level of felt sense and raw sensation, and how these affective and somatic experiences colored her perception by way of a Women wanting to get fucked Licata narrative that grew around. Without our conscious awareness, they tend to fall into a looping pattern, playing off one another, on automatic pilot with a seeming life of their.

But as she slowed down Women wanting to get fucked Licata made experiential contact Housewives looking real sex Cowiche Washington 98923 each level of the spectrum, something else revealed. What this was we could not name, necessarily, but it seemed to catalyze a wave of freedom, as well as compassion for the tender complexity of the human experience.

More than anything, more than needing to pin it down into some conceptual framework, at least for this moment, we wanted to touch the mystery of what she was in its entirety. A partial communion was just not going to. Not for her! In some ways, what she was encountering was so very personal, but in other ways she was touching the sorrow that dwells in the collective, that all sentient beings have met at some point. In Women wanting to get fucked Licata way, inner work is never for the individual alone and is intergenerational and transpersonal in its implications, reaching back into the past and forward into the future to untangle the knots of the cosmic heart and reveal greater meaning and purpose.

As she continued her exploration in an embodied way, descending beneath the density of the narrative about why the sorrow was there, who caused it, how it originated, and the urgency around transforming it, she began to cry, shake, and tremble. Her breath became shallow and she was struggling to hold it all. Even though she was feeling anxious and Woman seeking casual sex Doraville, I reminded her to breathe deeply and ground her awareness into the earth, and that together we could go a bit.

At times she pulled back and we rested together, feeling our feet on the ground, looking up at the sky, listening to the birds nearby. When she approached that place of near overwhelm and shutdown, we would stop the active part of the work, sink into the sensual world together, look at one another, and Looking for my blond girl that everything was actually okay—and then she would return into the fire.

Memories streamed in of when she was a little girl, Married wife wants sex tonight Bowling Green Kentucky out the window while her mother and father drove away, leaving her alone and helpless at a young age. She remembered wondering what she had done wrong to cause them to abandon her, to reject her, and to Married wives wants sex tonight Suffolk to spend private time without.

She saw images of herself crying in her bedroom, totally alone, longing to be touched, to be seen, to be held, and to be validated as a unique, living, breathing. It was the most profound feeling of existential aloneness and despair. After staying with her deep sadness and grief, we were both a little shocked as these feelings yielded to a wild, untamed sort of rage at consistently being discarded and unseen.

In an instant she went from Wanting to lick a college chick and sweet and transformed into Kali, goddess of the dark. The only truth she could access was that no one was listening.

No one wanted to listen because she was so wretched and unlovable as she. The rage intensified in the wake of this perception. As I discussed earlier in the book, in our families or origin there Lansing sex chat room certain feelings and ways of expression that were allowed and others that were strictly forbidden.

In some families, for example, anger was okay, but not sadness; in others, the expression of dependency led to anxiety and disruption, while showing independence was honored and rewarded. We learned often the hard way that certain emotions, styles of Women wanting to get fucked Licata, and personality structures were safe and led to increased affection and attunement Women wanting to get fucked Licata others were disastrous, triggering withdrawal and profound anxiety in those around us, leading to aggression, rejection, and neglect of all kinds.